Initiation

I know...I know...."where the hell have I been?!" Read/watch below to find out.

I intended to write this newsletter issue for publication last September, then that turned into November, then December, and so on. Here it is. In Spring of 2023 I embarked on a transcendental initiation in the form of a meditation with those who came before me. As sacred as whispered secrets and pinky promises between childhood friends. I laid down as ángel and at the end of said meditation, arose as ángel griot. What is a griot? A griot is a storyteller, historian, poet, musician, cultural steward, orator, and artist who hails from the Western region of Africa. Since a youngin’  I've always had an innate knack for storytelling. I used to spend the majority of my free time creating the backstories of imaginary friends and characters from books and cartoons. Starting in junior high my English and Literature assignments were highly revered whenever I was allowed creative control.  Some of my most praised work usually required little to no effort. Even with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, fear, and internalized anti-artist & literary rhetoric from mainstream media to folks with deferred dreams; I always returned to storytelling. 

Prior to my initiation into Hoodoo, I knew storytelling was (one of) my purpose(s). When I planted the seeds of Vent About: a few years ago, the intention was to weave together my writing and video practices to make my stories more accessible to folks along with elevating them. I was unaware that some folks aren’t able to visualize the stories that words produce as they read along or just straight up dislike reading, yet crave storytelling. Transparently I didn’t think the concept of a “visual poem” or zine, would be well received. I was unsure if folks would comprehend my work--I barely had the words to truly express my intentions but something within me wouldn’t allow me to quit. In the midst of me editing the first part of “Vent About: Heartbreak”, a former co-worker put me onto the work of Nia June, a Black filmmaker and poet based in Baltimore, MD. June also incorporates poetry and visual art to bring their stories/ideas to life. After engaging with their work, I mustered up the courage to continue with mine. It was breathtaking and inspiring to know that others had already set forth a blaze to this trail for me to explore. With community support, sativa dominant oui’d, and youtube tutorials I released the first part of  “Vent About: Heartbreak”, much to my surprise it was dripping with praise. I can still tap into the energy and feelings from that era: constantly filming and thinking how certain images could depict the mood of the poem, neglecting sleep to focus on editing after pulling double work shifts, revising some poems, listening to music to craft the soundscape, studying the technique of montage, spending “slow days” at my old job researching avant-garde and experimental filmmakers, talking about my projects and creative process with other artists, and the satisfaction from manifesting an idea and doing the necessary work of bringing it into fruition. I was on cloud 9. 

Ironicallyimposter syndrome still lurked in the corners of my mind..feeding the false narratives of failure that I internalized The fear of deferring my dreams to meet my material needs drained my creative energy, and the frustration from witnessing the theft of my “intellectual/artistic” properties from others left me defeated and jaded. Once again even with all of that, I still returned to the blank pages of my journals and google docs to unleash my feelings, ideas, imagination, and fears through poetry, reflections, flash fiction, and unconscious streaming. For a while I focused heavily on writing poetry & prose, until I became sick of it--I would mourn the skeletal outlines and rough drafts of the short and flash fiction stories collecting cobwebs in my google drive folder. When I dusted them off , I felt uninspired to revise and/or complete them. I realized that I was insecure about my ability to do the aforementioned, while  I strengthened my crafts of poetry, video editing, and videography; my other literary methods became stifled with anxiety that I may never return to them. Limitations and blockages manifested from internal and external factors, furthering the distance between myself and abandoned methodologies. I struggled with balancing my writing, research, and film-video making practices and projects. As I waded through these intense waves of blockages, self-doubt, and resentment, I decided to return to school to study Media Production. My intention was to enhance my production skills, receive a certificate, and pursue full-time work as a videographer & editor. At the beginning of my third semester COVID happened and halted my plans. I was frustrated because I didn’t have any back-up plans, two months prior to lockdown I quit my job at a museum and my grocery-retail job became my main source of income. To make matters worse I was uprooted after being physically assaulted by my abuser and ended up in the city. Unbeknownst to me 2020 was just the beginning of what turned out to be a three year long toward card experience. For those unfamiliar with tarot to put it in layman’s terms, my life unraveled and I had no control over it. 

After creating my visual poem “Desire” in 2021, I decided to go on a hiatus from my creative practices. While on hiatus I dedicated my time and energy to deepening my skills by attending an alternative film school (Film Futura), poetry workshops, studying Black Feminist theory, third cinema, guerilla filmmaking, the L.A. Rebellion, watching films and documentaries that suited my interests, and immersing myself into reading for leisure rather than study. In 2022 I re-emerged from my hiatus by publishing the Vent About: Manifesto, that year I focused on poetry and short-fiction. That was a fruitful year for my writing from workshops to my first ever literary fellowship with Roots, Wounds, and Words.  After quitting my full-time job at a gender affirming clothing company I began working for a grassroots media nonprofit in 2023, I was provided with the opportunity to enhance my production skills and display my talents as a multimedia storyteller. That summer I created the “Vent About:” substack! It was my proudest accomplishment of that year. My ancestors and spirit guides had been on me like white on rice to create a space, home, container..whatever for my writing to live, thrive,  and be read by others. 

After my second issue I intended to publish the third one after Black August, however an unintended hiatus occurred due to preparation for an extensive oral surgery procedure in October, followed by contracting COVID for the first time weeks later in November, amongst the implosion of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades. I spent a great deal of winter 2023 on bed rest, tending to my healing journey, surrendering, and meditating on what it is that I can offer to the masses as an intuitive, anti-disciplinary artist and  cultural worker-organizer. What is required of me to sustain said offering?  Another question that I ruminated about during  that season was: “how can I infuse liberatory Black political theories, Black trans [queer] feminist theories, literary methods, Indigenous & diasporic occult sciences, third cinema, and storytelling together?”. In search of answers to the aforementioned,  I posed the question to my sunsum, my heart, my Ori, the spirits belonging to the meadow in the neighborhood that I grew up in, spirit, and my elevated ancestors. In return I received multifarious answers, the first was to listen to the snippet from a discussion panel featuring Baraba Smith answering my question “How can cultural workers and organizers use culture as a tool to expand and support the movement?” Her insightful wisdom poured into my creative reservoir..flowing into my creative energy. I allowed myself to sit with it and digest it slowly over some odd number of days. Another answer to this question came to me in the form of Mama Nehanda Abidoun’s wisdom:

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This excerpt from  “Message From Exile”, grew into an affirmative compass that I utilize to assist in recognizing responsibility as an initiated Griot bearing witness to the contradictions of this empire, its allies, and the growing collective disillusionment with said empire. Over the course of three months, I used my notes app to jot down internal and external messages and to translate ideas from my dreams and brainstorming. I  allotted space within my day-to-day for brainstorming how I’d intertwine these wisdoms into my work as a creative practitioner.  Thoughts about revising some existing work of mine that exemplify the mixture of literary methods & political theory emerged the most because I wasn’t in a physical space to create new work. Due to the ongoing  climate catastrophe I implemented daily walks into my routine, not only did I receive answers from nature but deepened my relationship to the elevated spirits that  steward said land. It is my responsibility as a  griot, cultural worker-organizer, and creative practitioner to utilize my innate artistic gifts in solidarity with others who are cultivating revolutionary culture within Turtle Island. It is my responsibility to share the fruits of my gifts with others rather than hoard them and store them away from the people in oppressive, colonial, and inaccessible institutions. 

After years of experimentation, creative blocks, limitations, and rejections,  I’m finally coming to understand why the seeds of creativity were planted within me through the prayers, dreams, incantations, conjuration, and labor of my beloved ancestors. Writing my first ever story in elementary school was the beginning of my initiation, which I eventually embraced in 2022 with the assistance of spirit, my ancestors, spirit guides, and Anasi. [Racial] Capitalism almost defeated me after it convinced me that the only way I’d be able to utilize my gifts effectively was through exploitation of it and others. I’m grateful that my spiritual frame, Ori, and inner-child swiftly intervened. I’m grateful to my loved ones, supporters, community members, peers, and instructors who constantly pour affirmations, love, support, sincerity, and praise into my work. I’m grateful to myself for taking a leap out on faith, too. So this is it, this is me. I am ángel griot and I’m an intuitive, anti-disciplinary creative practitioner (artist), griot, and cultural worker-organizer. It is my pleasure to share my art—-and my work with you. 

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Citation

“Video - Initiation Trailer filmed, edited, and written by ángel griot”

Nia June https://www.niajune.com

Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigrade - https://electronicintifada.net/tags/al-aqsa-martyrs-brigades

Nehanda Abiodun - “Message From Exile”http://www.assatashakur.org/nehanda1.htm